Take Natalie Portman to a steakhouse and she might order Portobello, but hold the Porterhouse. She thinks eating meat is tantamount to rape. Honest!
The unsuspecting contestants of Bravo’s cook-off show “Top Chef” also thought Porterhouse would be on the menu because the latest episode was slated to be taped at Tom Colicchio’s Las Vegas steakhouse, Craftsteak. Did they get a surprise.
Portman showed up as they started prepping, and made clear that she is a vegetarian and expected some upscale, creative dishes, sans meat.
The chefs scrambled to round up some ingredients. Eggplant, and mushrooms, both substantial enough to possibly substitute for the missing meat, were on the top of the list.
When they were done cooking, Portman and her friends sat down to dinner and Natalie provided some quick witted repartee.
When Michael Voltaggio presented his dish, which included banana polenta and an asparagus salad, the actress said, “It makes me smile and laugh, and I’m confused!”
Jen was visibly nervous when she served her dish, but Portman put her at ease. “[That] added a little danger to the presentation,” she said about the chef’s shaky hands.
But when Bryan Voltaggio presented his artichoke dish with garlic blossoms and shallots, things really got out of hand and the talk turned risqué.
“It’s like a little prick on the tip of my tongue,” said host Padma Lakshmi. commenting on the dish.
“Shhhh,” said Portman, with a nervous smile, before breaking into raucous laughter. Don’t say that!”
Hmmmm, wonder what she meant by that?
“I thought that my shallot was a little sharp especially when you pair it with these garlic blossoms that are very tiny in size and yet …” she said pausing for a moment, giving Portman the opportunity to chime in “…big in your mouth.”
“It went from a little prick to big in your mouth,” Colicchio added slyly.
“That’s what usually happens!” quipped one of Portman’s pals.
Sounds like Natalie would be a fun dinner date.
Kudos to Natalie for challenging the chefs to try something new and different. Watching the hapless cooks try to come up with something vegetarian and reasonably substantial was kind of excruciating. I felt really bad for the chefs, in a way, because they seemed to have such a narrow idea of the vast plethora of vegan foods available, substantial, tasty, savory, and nutritious. And they had very little idea of how to prepare and present them. It seemed more like some alien’s idea of what a vegetarian dish should be, rather than coming from a place of respect and familiarity with the vegan palate.
As for the foods themselves, it’s not that hard to cook a leek without turning it into mush – frankly most dishes could have been done with moderate steaming, followed by quick roasting or braising, if that’s what they were after. In my opinion, greasy butter is a sure way to ruin most vegetables. The natural flavor can be better accentuated using reductions of wine or vinegar with a little tamari, then spiced from there. I wasn’t even sure Natalie would eat Jen’s dish because it included a butter sauce, but Natalie was gracious and ignored the faux-pas.
Here’s hoping the chefs will learn from the experience and take some courses in proper vegetarian cooking where the vegetables, beans, and grains aren’t just there for decoration. Too many cooks rely on meat, fish, cheese, and heavy cream to dull and distract their patrons. It shows a real lack of knowledge and imagination.
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