Holly Madison Was ‘So Desperate’: Says She’s Not Seeking Revenge Against Hugh Hefner

Holly Madison Was ‘So Desperate’: Says She’s Not Seeking Revenge Against Hugh Hefner

holly madison down the rabbit holeHolly, who viciously slams Playboy founder Hugh Hefner in her book, Down the Rabbit Hole, said she learned a lot from her 7 years as Hef’s girlfriend, but has no genuinely happy memories of the Playboy Mansion.

“I don’t regret it because I learned a lot from the situation,” Madison told E! “There were some good experiences that came along with the bad and I love where I ended up today. That’s what life is. You can’t really end up in a good place without going through some crazy stuff, too.”

Holly said her advice to other Playboy models is to not sell yourself short and don’t be in a rush to acquire fame and fortune at any cost.

“Don’t be so desperate,” said Madison, 35. “I always felt I had some time bomb ticking and I had to achieve things really fast and I wasn’t patient with myself and I didn’t have faith in myself to achieve things on my own.”

Holly continued: “I felt branded by the decisions I made and felt kind of stuck. So I would just give myself a talk and let myself know that’s not really the case.”

While most people may think living inside the Playboy Mansion is glamorous and fun, Holly said it was a gilded cage fraught with loneliness, insecurities and catty in-fighting.

holly madison plastic surgery before after
Holly Madison took full advantage of the free plastic surgery offered to Hef’s girlfriends, and admits plastic surgery gave her everything.

Holly, who dated Hef from 2001 t0 2008, said Hef often pitted the girls against each other to create petty rivalries so he could keep his young harem under his thumb. Not surprisingly, Madison said being one of Hef’s many young girlfriends 91-gCaCqx6L._SL1500_made her very insecure.

“Living with Hef brought down my self-esteem a lot,” said Holly. “I was comparing myself to the other girls. You have to look a certain way at the mansion.”

Madison eventually got several plastic surgeries, including nose jobs and breast implants to look the way Hef preferred: Blonde, skinny and busty.

Looking back, Holly said plastic surgery gave her everything: fame, fortune, a love life and a career, Examiner reported.

“Plastic surgery made it easier for me to get things I wanted in my career,” said Madison. “Without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It made me more confident. And a lot of doors open when you look a certain way.”

Holly starred on the hit reality TV show the Girls Next Door and was one of Hefner’s girlfriends for seven years.

When Madison first met, Hef had seven girlfriends, and Madison participated in twice-weekly group sex orgies with all of them. The orgies were not sexy at all.

The girls were all required to take a bath before the sex session, while Hefner took a Viagra pill. During the boring orgy, Hefner lied inert on his back as several TV screens played porn in the background.

Holly Madison participated in bi-weekly group sex orgies with Hugh Hefner’s other girlfriends from 2001 to 2008. Holly’s role as ‘No. 1 girlfriend’ was to have anal sex with Hef.

In assembly-line fashion, the girls each took a turn mounting Hef for a few seconds/minutes. Holly’s role as the No. 1 girlfriend was to have anal sex with him, while the other girls merely had brief vaginal intercourse.

No condoms were used. It’s unclear how Hef and his girlfriends managed to prevent STDs, but Hefner previously said he and the girls were regularly tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

Holly said all the girls hated the twice-weekly orgies “and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible.” Madison was advised early on to “fake” everything. “My turn was over just as quickly as it had started,” said Holly.

Holly is now married to “businessman” Pasquale Rotella and mom to their daughter, Rainbow. In 2012, Rotella was indicted for bribery and embezzlement over concerts he had produced.

Even though Madison was desperate to marry and have children with Hef when they dated, she claims she has no fond memories of their relationship.

“After some years have passed, I don’t really find him to be a very genuine person,” said Holly. “I feel like if I were to get on the phone with him, everything out of his mouth would be PR b.s. I don’t even care what his reaction is to this [book]. I’m doing this for me and I’m doing this so people can learn from my mistakes.”

Down the Rabbit Hole is out now.

Related: Hef’s son calls Holly Madison a gold digger: Kendra Wilkinson says Holly’s a liar

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